i have been struggling lately. it's been hard to keep my spirits lifted, and encouraged, because i feel emotionally tired. i don't know what has caused this, but this week has just not been easy. i've longed to be in an easier place, such as home, and i've longed to be alone. i forgot that this summer wasn't supposed to be easy, and that i was going to be tested and challenged in many ways. it just seemed like this week, everything was going wrong. i wasn't getting a lot of hours at work, i was having a hard time being surrounded by so many people 24/7, my car has been broken, i'm broke, and my quiet times were dry.
i took a walk to the river one night after dinner, when my attitude was just terrible, and i tried to get right with God. it was hard to say much to Him, because it seemed like everybody was outside and things were distracting me. i couldn't even get alone with God when i wanted to get alone with God! anyways, i got to the river, and just started crying. i felt God in the midst of my loneliness, and chaotic life. it was like all this past week i couldn't breathe until i got to the river and was alone with God...He comforted me, He had His arms wrapped around me. it was an amazing feeling. i had no words, but it felt good. i didn't need words for my God. He just KNOWS how i'm feeling, and what i need to feel better...it's always HIM.
anyway, the week has still been a struggle for me, but i have been able to rest in His promises, and find my comfort in that. i have been called to a life where i will suffer. i have been called to a life where i am to die to myself. i have been called to serve others, and love others before myself. it's been a trial here--but i believe God is teaching me SO much about patience, and joy in Him.
i love the verse Psalm 10:17 that says: LORD, you know the hopes of the hopeless. Surely you will listen to their cries and comfort them.
He heard me, He hears me, and He will continue to do so. He comforts me. there is nobody else in this WORLD that i will ever want to carry me through my trials. He is perfection, and He is the perfect Lover. He is so good to me, and He loves me so much. i am so thankful that i can find rest and peace in Him, when everything seems chaotic. i love that i can keep pressing on despite my struggles or hurting heart, because i have a God who is ALWAYS with me, even when i forget it.
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Megan,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you sharing yourself genuinely like this. Paul did much for God's kingdom during his time to apply faith, but it came at a great cost to him :
" We put no stumbling block in anyone's path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything. "
-2 cor 6:3-10
I believe God is going to use you for a lot, but it will definitely cost you your whole life. But how merciful and compassionate is our God! He meets us right where we are at, we don't even have to use words sometimes, He already knows and he really feels what we are going through. We have a great God, and I can relate that it is hard to stay encouraged during infusion, but keep pressing and keep running to the end. I will pray that God will help encourage you (you can pray the same for me too).